A little humor for a fantastic day (The President pwning Liberals)
By Jaded Posted in Liberals — Comments (40) / Email this page » / Leave a comment »
My husband emailed this to me and I had a great laugh and thought you all might enjoy a belly laugh as well....
For those that don't know a lot about history...... here is a condensed version.
Humans originally existed as members of small bands of nomadic hunters/gatherers. They lived on deer in the mountains during the summer and would go to the coast and live on fish and lobster in the winter.
The two most important events in all of history were:
1. The invention of beer, and 2. The invention of the wheel. The wheel was invented to get man to the beer.
These were the foundation of modern civilization and together were the catalyst for the splitting of humanity into two distinct subgroups:
1. Liberals
2. Conservatives.
Once beer was discovered, it required grain and that was the beginning of agriculture. Neither the glass bottle nor aluminum can were invented yet, so while our early humans were sitting around waiting for them to be invented, they just stayed close to the brewery. That's how villages were formed.
Some men spent their days tracking and killing animals to B-B-Q at night while they were drinking beer. This was the beginning of what is known as the Conservative movement.
Other men who were weaker and less skilled at hunting learned to live off the conservatives by showing up for the nightly B-B-Q's and doing the sewing, fetching, and hair dressing. This was the beginning of the Liberal movement.
Some of these liberal men eventually evolved into women. The rest became known as girlie-men.
Some note worthy liberal achievements include the domestication of cats, the invention of group therapy, group hugs, and the concept of Democratic voting to decide how to divide the meat and beer that conservatives provided.
Over the years Conservatives came to be symbolized by the largest, most powerful land animal on earth, the elephant. Liberals are symbolized by the jackass.
Modern liberals like imported beer (with lime added), but most prefer white wine or imported bottled water. They eat raw fish but like their beef well done. Sushi, tofu, and French food are standard liberal fare. Another interesting evolutionary side note: most of their women have higher testosterone levels than their men. Most social workers, personal injury attorneys, journalists, dreamers in Hollywood and group therapists are liberals. Liberals invented the designated hitter rule because it wasn't fair to make the pitcher also bat.
Conservatives drink domestic beer. They eat red meat and still provide for their women. Conservatives are big-game hunters, rodeo cowboys, lumberjacks, construction workers, firemen, medical doctors, police officers, corporate executives, athletes, Marines, and generally anyone who works productively. Conservatives who own companies hire other conservatives who want to work for a living.
Liberals produce little or nothing. They like to govern the producers and decide what to do with the production. Liberals believe Europeans are more enlightened than Americans. That is why most of the liberals remained in Europe when conservatives were coming to America. They crept in after the Wild West was tamed and created a business of trying to get more for nothing.
Here ends today's lesson in world history.......
It should be noted that a liberal may have a momentary urge to angrily respond to the above before forwarding it.
A conservative will simply laugh and be so convinced of the absolute truth of this history that it will be forwarded immediately to other true believers, and to more liberals...just to piss them off.
Relax and just go with the flow...hell man the President pwned liberals today....
Freedom of Religion not Freedom from Religion
...sort of like curdled milk. I guess. But really, the tale started off so well, and I just hate to see something so promising fizzle out due to writing mechanics.
(I also now see that I missed the first line of your post, where you clearly wrote that this was an e-mail from your husband that you were sharing with us.)
Domestic beer is disgusting. It is the taste equivalent of someone peeing in your mouth with a bit of water to wash it down. Just a side note from beer snob-I know there are many on RS haha. And real men play in the American League-go White Sox :-)
The trouble with our friend John McCain isn't that he's ignorant, but that he knows so much that isn't so.
My friend, BR, you can't be serious. I've no special quibble on the beer, except perhaps asking a point of clarification -- down in South Texas the Germans make some pretty good beer like Zeigenbach - so is that Texas beer or German beer?
But the AL? Puhleeeeeeeeeze. REAL MEN don't let other, "designated", men take their turn at bat, in order to avoid hangnails and other bobos that might affect their pitching.
Unfair. Unbalanced. Unmedicated. -- IMAO
America's answer to Guinness!!!
But I'll check. I'm somewhat partial to stouts. Thanks for the tip, and if all else fails, I may see if you can sneak some into a UPS package for a poor deprived southern boy.
Unfair. Unbalanced. Unmedicated. -- IMAO
It is nitrous primed and tapped. Other than that I say go for it.
"Land of the Free and Home of da Whopper" Peter Griffin...Family Guy
conform and celebrate diversity....or else!!!
brewpub! Preferably enjoyed with a Pub Burger!!! Also available at many fine restaurants!!!
Zeigenbock is an Anheuser Busch product created specifically to compete with the real South Texas brew - Shiner.
Some (liberals?) say the Z-bock tastes good, I can't say (though the radio commercials were pretty funny).
I agree with NightTwister.
The greatest single cause of Atheism today is Christians who profess Jesus with their lips & then go and deny him by their lifestyle. That's what an unbelieving world simply finds..unbelievable -Brennan Manning
OK, I guess it is what it is. But I guess for me it's this: Shiner is bitter but has a cool-looking bottle with a macho-looking ram on it, and can be found in every 7-11 and Quickie-Mart. Zeig is a smooth but manly dark lager with some punch, and can be found served in pool halls.
But wenne, having not tasted it, you call me the L word? Man, that cuts a little bit. All I can say is, if Shiner is what the South Texas Germans are doing, and Zeig is a sideline product from one of the cookie-cutter wussie beer companies, then I conclude that....
Those South Texas beer makers need to try harder, and to A-B I give a big ole Texas atta boy!
Unfair. Unbalanced. Unmedicated. -- IMAO
I didn't exactly call you liberal, more a little stick poking going on. Your writing more than qualifies you as a very large 'C' conservative, much better than I for sure.
The real reason for not sampling the Z-bock:
1) I have a pre-bias against any of the mass produced beer makers. We had an incredible, very popular Belgian style brewer right here in Austin (Celis). It was bought up by A/B and promptly disappeared off the shelves, its back on the shelves now after about 3 years, but doesn't taste the same to me. I see the Z-Bock effort as a different tactic; I'm fairly sure it came only after a failed attempt to buy them out. It's a sticking up for the little guy kind of thing, probably some vestigial liberal gene from my teens I haven't yet excised.
2) Dude, there are SO many untried microbrews to sample. After 3 years in Germany, I understand what good beer is. Of course the A/B, Miller breweries turn out things that are drinkable, but its a kid in a candy store thing. I only drink 3-4 beers in a week nowadays. Why would I spend my time and money on something like that I could have any time?
The greatest single cause of Atheism today is Christians who profess Jesus with their lips & then go and deny him by their lifestyle. That's what an unbelieving world simply finds..unbelievable -Brennan Manning
Imported beer is swill. Mainstream domestic beer is swill.
As with EVERYTHING in this world, the best is made by some small business in the United States of America. Examples follow:
Odell Brewing Company
New Belgium Brewing Company
C. B. & Potts Restaurant & Brewery
Fort Collins Brewery
Left Hand Brewing
I feel sorry for those of you that are unable to obtain fine local micro brews.
In my experience, any microbrew or other exotic $6/glass beer I'm persuaded to try by some beer snob, is invariably bad. And so far none of the brewpubs in my city have produced anything good.
Nothing compares with a nice cold 5 Barrel Pale Ale.
Most local pubs in Fort Collins have $2.00 pints one night per week. Regular price in the pub is $3~$3.50/pint.
but I haven't been motivated to try it yet. I don't know how Jeff likes the local brewpub products but I remain skeptical.
I particularly love Boulder Beers-Hazed and Infused is one of my faves. I also like a good mocha stout myself.
The trouble with our friend John McCain isn't that he's ignorant, but that he knows so much that isn't so.
I'll buy you a real beer.
Hooked on Colorado beer since we met in college. Trust me, I bow to the feet of Colorado in beermaking ability.
The trouble with our friend John McCain isn't that he's ignorant, but that he knows so much that isn't so.
Dang it, I thought we had successfully shipped him back to California...
This one's for you.
My Wife love New Belgium's summer brew, Skinny Dip, like Fat Tire without the weight.
"Land of the Free and Home of da Whopper" Peter Griffin...Family Guy
conform and celebrate diversity....or else!!!
Unlike liberal girly men, I had to respond else be lumped in with them. You just really can't say beer at any point around this many men and expect it not to degenerate-which reminds me-ah St. Pauli Girl, the only woman I'll ever need...:;glances over nervously:: other than my wife of course ;-P
The trouble with our friend John McCain isn't that he's ignorant, but that he knows so much that isn't so.
Unfair. Unbalanced. Unmedicated. -- IMAO
Come on BR. You're a Chicagoan. You must drink Old Style and from a can, too. Otherwise your Windy City credentials are bogus.
And, yes, go White Sox. Although Vasquez is currently getting shelled by the Halos.
"Be intolerant. Because some things are just stupid"
- Ryan Dobson
since I don't have any experience with that same frame of reference. ;-)
"Domestic beer is disgusting. It is the taste equivalent of someone peeing in your mouth with a bit of water to wash it down."
Our man is posting over at Townhall
http://www.townhall.com/blog/g/429e90a4-e299-4d3a-82b1-e440b3db6354
Freedom of Religion not Freedom from Religion
Now isn’t the time for conservatives to be looking for a tailored message or a politically expedient route to victory if the end result is going to be the inevitable slide toward the liberalization and secularization of America, and the growth of government and loss of freedom that inevitably ensues. For us conservatives it must be about principles and policies that are grounded in freedom, free markets and the rule of law.
And who pray tell, would be offering u a politically expedient route to victory with the end result of a liberalized and secularized America. Senator McCain, your table is ready-you just got served by the voice of the Movement. We'll be over here with our principles of freedom (Kyoto), free markets (cap and trade) and the rule of law (McCain-Feingold).
The trouble with our friend John McCain isn't that he's ignorant, but that he knows so much that isn't so.
Freedom of Religion not Freedom from Religion
Seriously though, this is Fred at his best. I hope he is a regular writer at Townhall. I hope he gets back on the radio as well.
by and have some fun...hell the President pwned liberals today and I am having a wonderful time at their expense.
Freedom of Religion not Freedom from Religion
Unfortunately, townhall.com wants my address, and I don't give that out willy-nilly online, and I didn't feel like giving them a bogus one (like 1060 W Addison, Chicago IL, 60613).
---
Finrod's First Law of Bandwidth:
A picture may be worth a thousand words, but it takes the bandwidth of ten thousand.
The comments over at Town Hall are pretty rough. I know that I'd like the couple hundred bucks back that I sent to Fred, but chasing him away over "bowing out" of the POTUS race doesn't get ANYONE energized. This whole election process is wearing me out.
I believe that all conservatives believe in the power of brewing your own beer.
I do believe that where there is a choice only between cowardice and violence, I would advise violence. — Mohandas Gandhi
You've got the core of a great parable here, especially the first hald, but then the story goes off in too many directions. Discipline is key, as well as knowing when to say no.
And Rightly So!